My (exhaustive) List of French Things

In my first few weeks of living here I've noticed several differences between the United States and France. The first to strike me were the fact that France doesn't have the sexy green M&M and also Castle is very popular. Here's my extensive list (so far) of other peculiarities. Check back often:

*Everything is closed on Sunday. I asked a French friend if this was for religious reasons (I was under the assumption that France was a pretty godless country). "No" he replied. "The French are just very lazy." 

*Street signs in France are more of an afterthought than a signpost.

 It's as if the city itself is saying, "oh, you don't know where you're going? Too bad. Try harder." Street signs are small blue placards that are attached to the outside of buildings. And they're really small-

That is if you're even lucky enough to find a street sign amongst the pageantry of stimuli vying for your attention. Sometimes there's nothing there. It's special.

*Pharmacies, on the other hand, are incredibly easy to find. I don't know what medieval tradition this dates back to, but whenever you're in need of some european Advil or bandaids you simply have to look for the glowing plus-sign. The street signs could learn a lesson here...

*When you go to the gym you have to bring your own workout towel. This is a tiny detail, but still striking to me. Also gyms in France kind of have the ambiance of a gay club. Lots of flashing lights, bright colors, and electronic remixes of Kelly Clarkson. 

*Rollerblading is still cool here. So much so that I just happened to stumble upon literally hundreds of roller blades while walking along the Seine. This was reassuring to my 90's sensibilities--much like Mighty Ducks or Saved by the Bell.

*While the sexy green M&M is nowhere to be found, France still has Crispy M&M's. Which is huge in my book. I imagine they made a deal with Mars in the early 90's to keep the crispy M&M in exchange for giving up all peanut butter products. 

*At the Laundromat you pay a flat rate for the washing machine, but for some reason, to use the dryer you pay in increments of six minutes. This makes absolutely no sense to me. 

*Bagels are kind of popular-

They're also super expensive and bad. Extra demerit points for the grammatical error. 

*That said, the pizza is pretty good-

But you have to buy a whole pie. The idea of buying a "slice" is as foreign as pasteurizing the cheese that's on it. This is purely a cultural oddity since they obviously have the tools to sell slices. I mean they use heat lamps to keep the pastries warm! This is one American export that would make a killing.

*The French (and UK) equivalent of a drunk slice of pizza is a kebab--often lamb, beef or chicken. 

*They make up for the lack of drunk pizza with drunk-

massages. Seriously. It's a weird and thriving industry. If you can get past the fact that a stranger is gripping your thigh like a Shake Weight, it actually seems kind of nice.

*If you're looking for milk and eggs in the supermarket don't waste your time in the refrigerated section. More often then not they're chilling (figuratively) in the cereal aisle. This confuses my mother to no end.

*They do yogurt and pudding like a boss-

It's a thing of beauty.

*Butter is good. REALLY good. So good that most products proudly boast the quality (and quantity) of their butter-

This is just a small sample of the "pur beurre" crowd. They are a proud and gluttonous group. 

*I just thought this was beautiful. I apologize in advance.